I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
