Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
