i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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