guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
