I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
