i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
