I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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