dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
