yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
