I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
