It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
love makes seman taste better
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
