the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
