Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
