Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
