That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
