Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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