wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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