NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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