What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
