When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
