my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
