Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
