Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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