I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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