I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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