yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
