I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i think i just lost a toe
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
