I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
