Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
