I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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