I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
