dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
