Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
