the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
only if we run a train.
done.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
