imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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