I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
