I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
