I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
