but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
