Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
