I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
