This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
