Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
