I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
