I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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