I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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