Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
