to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
