Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
