hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
